My 2015 in Top 9 Sexist Moments
9. Grocery Store
The man behind me in Trader Joe’s line asked if I wanted a plastic bags for the apples rolling around in my cart. I said “No, thanks! I’m good.” Five seconds later he taps me on the back and hands me a fistful of bags.
It's number 9 because it's a microaggression y'all. The next 8 are mainly just aggressions.
8. Hair Salon
30 minutes of make-up putting-on, $15 eyebrow threading, and $50 for a haircut/blowout before I auditioned for a TV show. None of this time was spent practicing the scene.
7. The Gym I Work At
There are nine 21+ year old women who work at at the day care in the gym. In emails we are often referred to as “the girls.” Doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but it’s probably a contributing factor to why the women watching over members’ children get paid less than the people working at the front desk.
6. Agent Meeting
When presented with my new headshot an agent informed me I looked like a “vampire cuntress.”
5. NYC Bar
A drunk college guy yelled “Hey! Where do you think you’re going?” as I walked past him. He grabbed my arm and pulled me into a slow dance. I talked to him for a minute, asked if where he went to school, and then attempted my usual methods of escape. “I’m going to go meet up with my friend.” When that didn’t work, I used the ever-helpful, “I have a boyfriend,” He asked if my boyfriend was there. When I said “No,” he said, “Then it doesn’t matter if I kiss you.” I got more aggressive and wiggled out of his hold.
Real patriotic, West Point guy.
4. Audition
I walk into an audition in heels and short shorts to play a 17-year old cheerleader having an affair with a 55+ year old man in an unpaid web series*. There was one awkward camera guy in his 30’s and two overweight men in their 50’s running the audition. It turned out that one of the 50+ guys, besides being the producer, writer, casting director, and director was also the actor playing the man my character was having an affair with.
We read our horrible trite make-out scene on camera twice. I did my best impersonation of Megan Fox impersonating a human. The man gave me no notes because I had “good instincts.”
Two days later, he called me on the phone to offer me the part.
*I knew I was auditioning for a girl having an affair, but not that it was unpaid, or that her scene was making out with the the guy in the back of the car.
3. After the Play I Performed In
The guy playing my brother in the show came up to me said, “Hey, doll, come here.” He grabbed me and started to slow dance with me. Then he pointed at my boobs in my sundress and said “What are you going to do with those?” He pointed at his friend behind him. “He wants your number.” When I told him I wouldn’t give him my number because I have a boyfriend, he turned to his friend and said “Oh. She’s spoken for.”
2. A Multigenerational Holiday Party
After explaining the ups and downs of freelancing acting/writing/Equalitoys to an older gentlemen, he said "That’s alright! It’s hard to get a job with a liberal arts degree isn’t it? But you’re a beautiful young girl, I’m sure you can just go and find yourself a rich boyfriend!”
1. After The Play I Performed In
A guy friend of another actor tried to compliment me after the show: “You know when I saw you on stage I thought…no way. She’s too beautiful to have a mental illness.”
Does a man who understands so little about mental illness and women make you feel so helpless that you don't know how to proceed? Me too! So let's move into the happy, feminist-affirming side of the year.
My 2015 in Top 9 Feminist Moments
9. On the Phone
I turned down the role of the 17-year-old-cheerleader having an affair with a 55+ year old man in an unpaid web series
8. Walking from Bar to Bar in NYC
Being catcalled with Rachel and Maria, then yelling back “This is not for you!”
7. My Apartment
Helping two different friends prepare for Fun Home auditions, and getting to read a Joan/Allison scene with each of them. It reminded me how insanely talented my friends are, and how amazing it is that a Tony-awarding winning lesbian coming-of-age story is on Broadway.
6. Walking Home After an Eyebrow Threading
A man crossed 10th Avenue in front of me and did a single, double, then triple-take at my face. I figured it was because my face was puffy from just having hair ripped out of my skull. Finally he stopped, then sputtered, “Hey…um, sorry. Um…you…you’re really beautiful.”
“Oh! Thanks!” I said.
The man nodded, turned around, and kept walking.
This incident made it to my inspiring feminist moments list because it pisses me off that some anti anti-street harassment people believe women can’t take compliments. For 2016, let’s trust that women know the difference between being harassed and being (albeit oddly) complimented.
5. Playwrights Horizon Craft Fair
Seeing non-white people read my feminist coloring book Her Highness Builds Robots for the first time. These same people collectively bought 60 books in 5 hours.
4. UCB 412 Class
The class was 14 guys and 1 other lady, but neither of us was ever stuck playing the whore a single time.
3. BMI Holiday Party
I told a more-established, BMI lady lyricist that I felt self-conscious about networking because I thought my mascara & romper-wearing vibe would cause people to not take me seriously as a writer. The BMI lady lyricist offered to introduce to everyone she knew and chat with them side by side.
2. On a Walk with a Friend
Near the beginning of the walk, I told him my Trader Joe's microaggression story to explain to him what a microaggression was. An hour later he called himself a “pussy” for wearing a coat while I wasn’t wearing one, then without me saying anything, he expressed regret at using the word and called himself a “wimp.”
1. Almost Back to the Apartment, NYC
As we passed by some cigarette-smoking bar-dwellers, one of the guys started chatting us up and following us down the block. Maria yelled at him to stop. The man said, “Oh. Am I being that creepy guy who follows girls?” He turned around and went back to a bar.
This is my Number 1 moment because creepy bar man FIGURED IT OUT, he REALIZED HE WAS BEING CREEPY and then he STOPPED. Awareness is the first step, right? And if creepy bar man figured it out, I know a lot of other men and women will too.
Here's to an empowering 2016!
